Tis the Season for Boundaries
Hey, it’s holiday time! This time of year could either strike anger or depression in you or it fills you with joy and thankfulness.
I used to hate the holidays, particularly Thanksgiving. However, since marrying into the Crow family and furthermore after reconciling and setting boundaries with my father I have learned to find joy in the moments of family time.
I know, though, for many of you the holiday time is still painful. So, I have come up with some healthy boundaries to put into place in an effort to bring you peace and joy for the holidays.
First, let me say that boundaries are Biblical. We serve a God who created everything WITH boundaries. Jesus, himself, also established boundaries with others as a means to achieve what needed to be done or said.
Remove yourself from gossip or negativity. Maybe your sister talks bad about your dad, you do not have to engage. In the air of gossip or negativity, you can choose to walk away or even bolder you can say, “I would not like to engage in gossip.” Setting this boundary allows others to see where you draw the lines and also offers an opportunity for another person to see what they may not have seen in themselves.
Strive to be a peacemaker. This means serve others and be kind but do not allow anyone to make you do all the work, to talk down to you or to constantly criticize how or what you are doing. Also, (and this is difficult for me) don’t care so much about everyone thinks of you. If you want a specific cranberry sauce- make it!
Speak in truth. As a follower of Christ it is your job to speak truth in a respectful way. You do not have to compromise your beliefs in order to serve someone else. If someone wants you to do something you do not agree with, you can politely explain that you respect his/her right to choose that specific act but you cannot morally engage in ____. Let your family know why you stand for what you do, but do not waiver.
Just say “no.” If you do not feel comfortable being around certain people for the holidays, either because they have been harmful, they are volatile, or you fear for your safety around them, the best boundary you can set is to just say, “No.”
You do not have to wreck your recovery, harm yourself mentally or psychologically just to appease a manipulative grandmother who tries to guilt you into being around your perpetrator.
And allow me to offer hope, you can have happy holidays! But you have to make a choice to lean on Christ through this time. Life won’t be perfect but you can have joy and peace through Him.
Boundaries can help lay the groundwork for further healing or even for the beginning of your healing journey. It’s never too late to start a new thing.
Rejoice & Crow
