Redeemed

When I hear the song "Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave I think of the person I was just four short years ago. 

Sean and I had only been married for a few months. We were joining our first married church "small" group. We were being asked to share our "life maps" (our life stories) and I was terrified. Everyone was about to find out that I was damaged.  

You see I had just begun processing the pain incurred from childhood sexual abuse. Years of degrading, emotionally destructive, physically painful, spiritually tainting abuse. And now I was being asked to be honest with people I'd just met.  

I spent the vast majority of my life lying to everyone, covering up, living ashamed of my story. But no more. I was newly married and wanted to begin the new chapter of my life as just that; new.  

As I worked through my life story, I heard Big Daddy Weave's song "Redeemed" and it instantly appealed to me. That was me. I was not the person I used to be because through Christ I have been redeemed. I cried and cried when I listened to the lyrics and placed my story to the music of that song.  

A week later I shared, played the song and we all cried together. TOGETHER. And in that moment, though I don't think I realized it, the weight of my shame was lifting off my body. This feeling of being pressed down against the earth with no place to move. The feeling that I strongly refer to as "stuck" was leaving me. Slowly, I could breathe again. Because God says that it's light that covers up the darkness (John 1:5, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it). Truth eliminates the evil stench of Lies. And that's what my shame was, a LIE. 

Now, I can say the words sexual abuse without cringing completely. I now lead in a support group at church where I can openly talk about the healing I've experienced through Christ. I am able to greet perfect strangers and share my story without fear of condemnation (in the appropriate setting). I can look to the Lord and know that my face is not covered in shame (Psalm 34:5).

It feels so satisfying looking back on a moment when I had complete lack of control and seeing clearly now that there is a God. He is big. He has me. He is in control. When you are in the middle of your storm, whatever that may be, hold on and look up. He is there. He is good. Your sins, your baggage, your broken damage is not too much. I promise. And in a world full of infomercials and people promising to have the best solution it is easy to be skeptical, but for this God there is no need for a money back guarantee. There is a "get your life back guarantee" and that's better.