How Motherhood Changed Me
Everything about being a mom has made me a better wife, a better friend, a better person. Let me tell you how:
Marriage: God has used these blessings to call me away from myself. My focus shifted greatly when our first son was born. I shifted away from myself but also away from my marriage. It took an 18 month old child clinging to me when daddy walked in the door every night to make me realize how I needed to improve our marriage.
Being a mom of two boys has shown me the importance of talking about and praising their dad; to give them someone to aspire to be like.
It was Godly, scripturally equipped people in our lives that helped us to get our marriage back on track. This has given me the chance to show my boys that a wife should respect her husband because I do not want my boys to be pushovers that allow women to walk all over them. The way my husband treats me is teaching my kids how to treat women in a way that's loving, respectful and kind.
Friend/Family: Before having kids I would have considered myself loving and supportive. Actually, before recovery I would have thought those things. And not that I wasn't, but I also didn't understand how unhealthy I was either.
After learning about how to choose healthier ways to cope with symptoms of my sexual abuse such as; shame, loneliness, fear, anxiety, and depression I was able to rely less on friends and even my boyfriend/husband to make me happy. In a way I drew away from friendships and relationships in order to create healthy boundaries for myself.
Once I had a child it became abundantly clear to me how important those significant relationships are in life. It wasn't just about connecting but nourishing those relationships, not just for me but for my kids too.
Since children I have a clear and firm boundaries with family but also more intentional relationships with them too. I judge my friends (and family) less knowing that if they aren't dishonoring God in their choices then my role is to be supportive and encouraging. realized that I want my own kids to be accepted and loved regardless of a job, home, person they love, or ways they dress. Again, unless it is dishonoring God I want them to feel at peace with who they are not afraid of the criticism (which I am so good at giving! I always wanted to be a movie critic).
Self: After having children I have been able to practice (with much failure) how to submit to the fruits of the spirit. I can have patience and self-control and I now have more accountability to practice those things with little eyes watching me. When I cannot remember something it is certain that my three-year old will.
I have grown in keeping promises. With kids all my struggles are maximized. I am constantly messing up but learning how to humbly ask for forgiveness. I am able to give a glimmer of hope to my children that parents aren't perfect. I used to think, "Oh, 'll be fully healed when I don't have to apologize anymore." Wrong. I am fully healing wounds every time I apologize. I give myself hope for the future. A future with kids equipped in His word, discerning, and loving to all is a future I don't disagree with. I'm aware that my kids make up a minuscule percentage of the future world, however, I am not blind to the impact of one.
**I am not changed only because of my kids but how God used my kids to change me. I would not have transformed in many of the above listed ways had I not sought healing and recovery from sexual abuse and coping habits prior to beginning my family. In fact, kids have heightened and magnified my areas of great struggle. **