Making Marriage Work
20 weeks pregnant with our third and the question will forever remain; how do you make marriage work?
I promise you I am no expert and only having been married 5.5 years I have a lot more learning to do but three kids in 4 years makes you wise up real quick. We realized long ago that we needed help in things we weren’t accustomed to.
Neither my husband or myself grew up in “communication first” homes. Both of us saw conflict unfold in very different ways. We have mightily different backgrounds while having very much in common. We were not completely sure what healthy marriage was supposed to look like. We knew that my husbands grandparents had It right but we really didn’t know how they got there.
Therefore, we needed to invest. After a lot of hesitation we invested into marriage classes and saught after couples who would spur us into the right direction; always toward Christ.
Even in doing all those things though, we still had one thing. We have to put to work communication techniques, appropriate conflict resolution practices, forgiveness, grace, mercy, and effort in order for our marriage to succeed.
There have been days that we have not apologized to one another for hurtful words or inconsiderate actions. I struggle constantly with my anger and my critics heart. We struggle to make time for each other. We often put our kids, work, others before our marriage. And in those instances we seriously starve for one another.
I haven’t gotten marriage all figured out. However, I will say daily reminding myself of our wedding vows and praying relentlessly for my husband has been a huge help for me. When I get angry with any number of things I can easily remind myself that my husband is not the enemy. We make time (though not enough) for just us.
We argue. We sometimes get loud in front of our kids. We also get to practice forgiveness. I get to practice showing grace and humility every day. I often have unmet expectations. I sometimes feel alone or unloved. But I keep opening my heart and I continue to pursue honesty.
We cannot get It right all the time, but when we do it’s pretty awesome!